swirlings

Honestly, I am probably only updating because I feel some sense of obligation to keep up. While I have a million things swirling around in my mind and heart, I have yet to process and organize everything. Lately it seems Davis and I are unsettled, shifting our focus, changing our old habits... I don't know what to call it or what it is. Perhaps we are just growing up some more. It's not a bad thing, God hasn't changed at all, we just perceive something in ourselves is changing.

my favorites

But here I am, my one sort of day off this week, writing a bit. I had my BLS re-certification this morning, yes the scene is safe. I'm settling more into this double job conundrum, still fighting the desire to look into the future and arrange my circumstances to provide me hope and peace.  Speaking of looking into the future, we have some exciting arrangements and also some sad realities. Davis and I are finally taking a trip to Europe together in May. This is about three years in the making and lots of money saved (mostly spent just flying in that big metal bird). We are excited. It's our first big vacation as a married couple just the two of us. As soon as we get back, our dear friend is getting married in Colorado. In the fall my brother will be getting married and one of my best friends is also to tie the knot in November. We have family coming to visit us throughout the Spring and Summer. We received a truck load of compost for gardening. It's all very exciting.

truck full of dirt

At the same time, our hearts hurt as we look into the future. Our closest friends are all leaving or have left Salt Lake City. We often find ourselves longing to leave too. Right now our future looks lonely.  We also feel somewhat worn out. There are some additional circumstances that also have been weighing on us, but that is a whole other can of worms. Instead of remember the Lord is at hand, we struggle with seeking to amend our circumstances so we can be happier. How can we learn to trust God as we look into the future, with so much that is unknown and what we do know so far isn't what we consider favorable?

Last night we had a discipleship group meeting focusing on prayer. Entirely convicting and practical, I am reminded of this privilege and  requirement. The discussion is somewhat part of what is swirling around in my head and heart right now but I am convinced the timing was no accident. Prayer is something I struggle with so very much. Easily distracted and selfish with my time, I rarely see it as I ought nor use it as I should.

So, as I live in the present, knowing joys and heartache will come with the future, I want to remember this:

"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:5b-7