more than surviving

wide open spaces in wyoming

I am having hard time putting my thoughts into writing. Therefore, I am distracting myself by looking at pages of skirts, dresses and shoes. Super cute but not practical for someone who spends a large portion of my life in scrubs. Okay, moving into what I wanted to write about.

We went on a quick weekend trip back to Fort Collins. It was lovely and relaxing. So many friends took time out of their lives to see us. We ate some of our favorite food, walked familiar streets, caught up on lives, and hugged necks of dear souls. I was afraid visiting would produce discontentment in my heart. Both Davis and I were surprised to find, although we had great comfort in familiarity of friends, we are starting to look at life differently. What I mean is this: so often we spend most of our time merely trying to survive and safely navigate and control all ups and downs of life. We both could logically say we loved our time in Fort Collins and it would have been desirable to stay there. Circumstantially, it was not for us to stay in Fort Collins. But there was more we realized in our hearts than just the logic of the situation. God is doing something in our lives.

(I'll try to break this up with pictures)

road trip buddy

pit stop for cheap ice cream at Little America

There was a sermon given by Ryan Baker over a year ago in Fort Collins that has been on my mind and heart for a long time. It has begun to really change the way I think about life and overall what on earth does Christianity/Salvation/Trinity/Love/Truth/Bible has to do with our daily struggles. The point that rings in my heart is Jesus loves you, what are you so afraid of? I often live in fear while trying to survive with self preservation and self glorification. I am terrified of letting go of the illusion of control, safety and importance. Why is it so hard to let go and be loved? God is calling us to let go and rest in him. He loves us, do not be afraid.  Take a  listen if you have the chance. I am listening to it as a write this.

More recently, Bryce Hales, the RUF director for University of Utah preached at church here in Salt Lake City. He spoke from a hard passage in the Old Testament where Moses goes to Pharaoh and says "let my people go". Instead of setting Israel free, he doubles the workload required of them. Of course, the Israelites are thinking, oh geez thanks for saving us (not). He stopped there and didn't go into the fact God brings plagues to Egypt, parts the Red Sea, provides all their needs in the desert, gives them victory over their enemies, and provides the promise land. Instead, his point was in our lives, God is at battle with the idols and false gods in our lives. In this example Pharaoh had made himself a god over these people. Therefore, the true God must deliver his people from captivity to him. He created us in love and is righteously jealous for us. When things are hard and they hurt, many times it is God turning our hearts towards him by removing these idols and false gods. A lot times we miss the bigger picture of God's hand in our lives as Israel did in this situation.  I am no expert on understanding suffering and hardships. It is by far one of the hardest subjects. Life is hard, oh my goodness and sometimes it flat out sucks beyond comprehension. His intention was not to gloss over the difficulties and pains we often feel.   But for us to know we have a God who loves us and fights for us. What are we so afraid of? God gave up everything to make us his children. And as long as we live this side of eternity, he will have to continue to be at war with the idols and false gods we often cling to.  (I would put the link to this sermon up but it's not available yet, plus my summary is probably really pathetic)

This is huge, glorious and deep story I am touching on. All that I wanted to say, with more clarity but writing is not a particular gift of mine, was to explain why this trip to Fort Collins didn't stir up sadness or discontentment in my heart. Lovingly, God has been teaching us to see life in light of these truths just discussed above.

new puppy friend, Layla

We have been praying a lot about this move. We do not just want to merely survive while preserving our illusion of control and safety. While our living in Colorado was a huge blessing relationally, we spent most of our time being safe. We moved from one island of safety to another, minimally engaging in non-safe surroundings like at work. Moving to Utah, although we have not left our native country, we have left the comfort zone we worked to build and maintain. Instead of doing the same in Utah, we want to really be salt and light for Christ. According to wikipedia, in 2000 about 7% of Utah's popular claimed to be Evangelical Christians. Coming from the south and then Colorado where nearly all our friends were originally southern and/or we met them at church, this is very different. There is so much to do in the work of restoration and redemption. We do not want to be lazy and safe, okay yes we idolize that still, but we are seeking to not fall back into that lie. Instead we are clinging to these truths: Jesus loves you, what are you afraid of? and God is our God and is fighting  against the idols and false gods in our lives to give us true love and freedom. 

Davis and I do not want to be lazy. We do not want to just survive. How do you live in light of the gospel? How does a Christian live in truth and love? It is easy to become unloving with concern only for truth. It is easy to let go of truth when only concerned with a more worldly definition of  love. We aren't looking for an epic life or to be all stars on the Jesus team. How do you live radically in the mundane life? Maybe it is as simple as believing God loves you and fights for you and living as though you believe God loves you and fights for you. Davis and I will fail at this, we already have. Thankfully God is much bigger than the summation of all our failures and He indeed will have final victory. Additionally, if you read this you might think y'all are crazy. We do not want to be afraid of not having answers for all the questions, no human can. Neither one of us is perfect nor are we omniscience. We do not want to put up a facade that we have it all together because we don't and pretending to always be right or happy despite where your heart is is exhausting and not helpful.  Both of us desire to grow, be challenged and challenge, and daily lay down the notion of surviving and comfort for the joys of living for Jesus.

the most honorable lucy

Even though we miss our friends and will miss watching their children grow up.  We are content because there is so much more than meets the eye. We cannot cling to earthy things to give us eternal satisfaction. Although we aren't sure yet why and what God has in store for the Wares in Utah and maybe we won't ever know fully, we at peace in our hearts. Of course, this doesn't stop us from bugging (or encouraging) friends to move here.

sign of promises He has kept and will keep

I realize if you did read all that, many will not agree. We are open to any and all questions. And of course, we are always open to visitors!