it flurried off and on today but this as nothing to do with that.

It seems lately Davis and I, probably mostly me since Davis tends to be eternally optimistic, have been experiencing growing sadness, frustration, annoyances and so on with our current situation. First of all, let me just say I realize in the scheme of life we really have nothing to complain about. None-the-less, it's easy to get stuck in a pattern of seeing negatives and missing the everyday joys. This pattern of negativity tends to fuel itself into more negativity and can easily be spread from person to person. Let's just say we have been passing back and forth our frustrations, allowing each other to sink deeper into "despair", for a lack of better wordage. Of course we missed the opportunity to show each other truth and love, we missed countering our hopelessness with God's perfect hope.

But let me set this post up a little here. I am frustrated by work. No surprise here, it's often the theme of my woes. Growing anxiety, frustrations, and just a lack of enjoyment have fostered a festering bog in me. The jury is still out on what I will do but I may be cutting back to just one job soon. Also, as previously mentioned, we feel like we are losing our family here in Utah. We peer into the future and it seems lonely. We want the comfort of these quality friends to spend our time with. In April, we had three different sets of visitors. Mostly my family and also a friend of mine who has been in my life since I was fourteen. We enjoyed them all so immensely. These most recent visitations pushed more on our hearts, all our families are plane rides away. We don't always sense it, but we are lonely out west because they are all so far away. Finally, one which I won't go into much detail over, but we have been focusing on the faults of our local church here. It's very easy for us, in our pride, to assume we are the most awesome, giving, serving Christians in the whole state of Utah. I have been so consumed in pride and self-glorification I have hardly noticed how much this has become a problem. I am often to blind to my own sins as I lay in bed at night bashing this and that about others and situations.

As I write this, I feel nearly sick to my stomach. I am so sorry I have not loved anyone well because I have only served myself lately.

God is good. Despite me often being an impossibly slow learner. The RUF pastor, Bryce Hale, preached this Sunday on why Christian should love the Church. And while this isn't perfectly applicable to all my woes, it sure did snap me back to reality and renew my heart. It made me realize I often view the church and really the whole wide world  as how they can serve me and promote me.  Here are just a couple of truths gleened from the sermon on Psalm 87.
1. God loves to be in the presence of his people, the church.
2. God makes his presence known through his people, the church
3. The church is made up of God's former enemies. God spared no expense to rescue his former enemies by sacrificing His son.
4. God exists in the Trinity (mind blowing yes) A God in three persons. He has always existed in community. He also makes his presence known to us through community, his Church.
5. The community that is his Church is the answer to my (our) self-centered, prideful, sin bent ways.

Here I am complaining about church because I am selfish. The church is means of grace to get outside of myself and serve. It helps me see my place rightly, with God most glorious and to be praised. Also, complaining about life can be put into a better perspective when I consider I am one of God's former enemies who Jesus gave his life for me to be made whole again.


I don't think I really did much justice on the beauty in that bit of scripture and God's truth which provides infinite hope for the soul. I think there may have been several side rabbit trails my brain and heart went through to come out the other side. I am just thankful for truth proclaimed and that God loves me even if I was once his enemy. I definitely am more refreshed and renewed.


And if you made it this far, here are some pictures that you maybe did or didn't want to see. I don't have many from this week.

high quality selfies.

coffee, lazy pants, doggie and Davis (not pictured)
these make a girl feel at home

So other updates: Two a half weeks before we have the vacation to Europe and the garden is sprouting.




Here is the link to the sermon, not the one from Sunday but when he gave it at RUF. It's the one dated 2/5/14 Things Christians Love; the Church