eric came to visit! (and other thoughts)

When I started this blog it was mostly because we have friends and family all over the world. Just in case people wanted to keep up with us, I decided to blog the highlights which can be checked at their (who ever they are) leisure.  I am finding that although I never really intended to go deeper than "We did this, saw that, ate there" I have gone deeper. Perhaps I shared more than you ever wanted to know about me/us and the struggles of my/our heart. I guess I can't separate my doings from my thinkings/feelings/struggles.  So here it goes, some more doings and thinkings...


We spend the weekend with on our of dearest friends from Fort Collins, Eric. When Davis and I consider the many relationships we've had over the years, we never had felt or been alone. The older I get, the more years I have to really look back and see the providential blessings of people, whether for a season or lifelong. Although a self-proclaimed super introverted  and shy person who often afraid of people, I cannot deny my love and need of fellowship with others. Eric is a friend who just meshes so well with both Davis and me. We had a fabulous weekend eating, drinking, laughing, sharing, and exploring. We are so very thankful for his friendship.

brunch brothers

utah mountain adventures

some autumn

and some winter

we are small in the vast world

Davis and Eric with Uintas behind

Davis borrowed my hat for part of the hike :)

Sundance, Utah

Sunday afternoon hymn enjoyment

We miss having Eric around on a regular basis but thankful he wanted to visit us.  I kept thinking this weekend how much joy we experienced. God is so good to use to give us so many beautiful, precious gifts to display his love for us. 

However, I typically have the shadows and doubt and fear that steal joy. Often times my cynicism, suspicions, anxiety, fear, unbelief, and distrust makes it hard to enjoy those gifts. I am terrified that they will be taken away or look to the future and dread the end. Or I feel too guilty or ungrateful to enjoy good things because I often compare blessings and either think  superior or inferior  thoughts depending on how I measure up. There is a complex entanglement in my heart of lies, fear, and doubt. I often see the entanglement grabbing hold in so many areas of my life. Often times it seems like the second I stop preaching the gospel to my heart, I slip into this darkness. This weekend, I noticed again how I go from joy to dread so quickly, falling prey to traps of sin in my heart.

Like I said, I never intended for this thing to get so much into the mucky muck of my heart, but I am certain I am not alone in these sorts of struggles.  How do we live in the present, keeping an eternal perspective, and have joy? Obviously I haven't conquered this nor will I be made perfect this side of heaven. I believe God and his reconciling work is the source and object of joy. If my life is missing joy or joy is stolen by cynicism, suspicions, anxiety, fear, unbelief, and distrust  it is because perhaps I am not living as though I believe this.

I am just beginning to wade through these thoughts, so they are very unpolished and under developed.